I often get this question in mind, How much? When? and How? Kids should be praised. At times kids become so used to words like wow, wonderful, good job, they can't take words that say - it would have been better or you would have put a little more effort. As a parent, I always fall into a dilemma about how to tackle this. Recently I came across a very beautiful article that almost fixed my questions. Presenting few insights from it. Here you go:-
'Good job' is the most common phrase we hear parents telling their kids even when their kid does something very ordinary that they are expected to do. Now the question is how does praise should be?
Firstly, as a parent know that our kids are intrinsically motivated to push themselves and to learn more etc. I feel we need to sustain their intrinsic motivation and not keep praising/rewarding them for short term gains or they living up to OUR ideas of how they should be. So always keep the big picture in mind.
Secondly, when a child is learning something for the very first time, be your child's biggest cheerleader. Think, learning to sit or walk or skate or cycle or write. But once they learn it, stop the praise. An approving glance or nod of the head or a thumbs up is good enough. ( which too must be weaned off later).
Thirdly, change the praise and process of effort to, not the product or the outcome. Change 'WOW, you came first in the competition to 'WOW, I love the way you gave it your all to win the competition.
Whatever strategy that you use to get the desired behaviour or outcome like: rewards, stars, smileys, that has to be short term. Otherwise, it becomes a tool of negotiations and manipulation. So before you reward your kids keep these points.
I feel in today's world the most challenging part about raising young children is that you have to be the best version of yourself. Whatever young children see you doing, they follow you. Don't tell your kids don't listen to you, they are watching you. For kids in their mind, their parents are always right. Thus, your behaviour becomes the golden standard of what is acceptable or right behaviour to them.
Does this mean we need to be perfect all the time? Isn't that unrealistic? Well, yes and no. Being a parent gives us a golden opportunity to be the best version of ourselves. So why not strive for that, starting from now? Parenting is two ways of learning. Through our kids and our self-experience.