Off late, I keep getting this question in my mind, and I will be casting around to find out the actual answer. Once my 7-year-old son also asked me, Mumma - Are you my parent or are you, my friend?
And I am sure like me among maximum parents must be joggling with the same kind of questions with their kids. Sometimes I feel modern lives and new-age parenting fundas have confused us about this question. But I am thankful for the age-old wisdom which has a hint to it. In old scriptures, it is simplified and contextualised for today's times, this would translate like this:-
1. Till the child is of 5 years age, pamper them. Shower them with love, affection and attention. Because for the child, parental validation is the most important and helps to develop a strong sense of self-worth so be generous with your - love, time and attention (not things/gifts).
2. Secondly, for the next 10 years - disciplined the child, reprimand them when necessary, lecture them if needed. Children will develop a value system, a norm of interaction with the outside world and social skills etc during these formative years. Play your role as a parent to a role model, guide and correct them as per the situation.
3. When the child turns 16 years ( or maybe a little earlier for today's generation), be a friend. Trust your teenager. Let them make choices and take responsibility for them, consider their opinions, empower them to have a voice. And I bet you if you have done the first 15 years right, apart from a few teenage standards issues, you will have a responsible, sorted, caring adult in the making.
Today I see many parents, don't want their child to be average. But the actual definition is everyone can't be above average right. I see and feel few parents have serious FOMO and beyond school hours, classes exist for children to learn and get certificates in dance, speech and drama, skating, martial art, a team sport, a musical instrument, chess and what not. Thanks to COVID, kids have got some relief from the endless activities they are peddled to.
But is this break a good thing? Many parents have a question on how many extracurricular/enrichment classes should my child go to if I want my child to be extraordinary/above average/achieve their potential?
I feel parents should not be over-scheduling their child's day. As per studies, it is said there is a HUGE VALUE in children dabbling and doing things at home without a specific outcome in mind. A class or activity happening 2-3 times a week is good enough. The rest of the time should be free for the child's post-school hours.
Now the biggest common line a parent complain - my child gets bored at home. I would say EXCELLENT! Boredom can enable creativity and problem-solving, by allowing kids minds to wander and daydream. I have seen Rishaan come out with beautiful paintings, sketches and amazing architecture modules when he is bored and has zero work to do. I just allow him to wander and enable him to think about what best he can do. And to my surprise 90% of the time, he creates or innovates new inventions and paintings. So next time tell your bored kid, you are so lucky, you have so much free time to get bored! Why don't you figure out what you want to do with this free time? I am dam sure your kid's mind starts thinking or innovating new things.
And at times what would you do if your child wants to off a day from the school?
Wouldn't it be lovely if your kids were always motivated and excited for their schools, classes and activities? To be fair with them they are eagerly are. But sometimes they may have an off day too. And it happens with us too right. We are not always firing our cylinders 24/7, 365 days a year. At times Rishaan gets up in between his homework once in a while and watch some extra 10 minutes of TV, upon his allotted given time. I just wink my eyes and say "tathastu". The smile on his face and the happiness in those eyes give me a great sense of pleasure.
The bottom line is this:- The value of unstructured and free time and environment is grossly underestimated. Today, ask yourself - In the fear of missing out are you depriving your child? Your children come through you. They are the biggest life force, wanting to express themselves. Allow them and you can see them flying out with beautiful colours.