Recently I read an article by Adam Grant on Languishing. Which moved me deeply. It captured my state of mind so aptly, that I thought to write on it. Because it has certain lines on spotting languishing in children, which can be a tip on languishing in our kids and can help us in addressing it wisely. Here are a few facts -
I always had a great urge in studying psychology. Which make me read a lot on this subject. In psychology, we think and read about mental health on a spectrum from two aspects. That is - depression to flourishing. Now, Flourishing is the peak of well-being, where you have a strong sense of meaning, mastery and mattering to others. But on the other hand, Depression is the valley of ill-being. One feels despondent, drained and worthless. In between these two aspects here comes the "Languishing". It is the neglected middle child of mental health. It's the void between depression and flourishing. This means, the absence of well-being. You dont have the symptoms of mental illness, but not functioning at full capacity.
Languishing dulls our kid's motivation, disrupts their ability to focus and triples the odds that will cut back on work. It appears to be more common than major depression - and in some ways, it may be a bigger risk factor in later stages too. As I stated earlier here we can see a few tips on languishing on kids and how we can overcome this. As pandemic has badly affected our children's lives.
(1) Allow your child to express/release their frustration in a healthy way:- Crying, yelling at a wall, writing an angry letter to the virus, banging a pillow ( I know it's debatable ) etc. These are a few healthy ways for children to release their frustration healthily without victimising a younger sibling if any at home or a friend or self-harming in the process.
(2) Acknowledging their emotions:- I see how my 7-year-old son miss his school badly. At times he gets frustrated by looking into the screen for long hours, during his online school class. He comes and tells me how he misses his school friends, outings etc. I just hug him and acknowledge his feelings. Unlike giving him a lecture on, it's COVID. We need to be safe etc. I just look into his eyes and tell "yes, I understand". It must be so tough for you. And it encourages my child to express further. And if not, a child knows that you understand how they are feeling currently. It calms the child sooner.
(3) Allowing your child to Interact:- This point goes very well with my experience. When the first COVID way broke out, I was so anxious to allow my child to step outdoor. We were locked in the house for months. Later I realised how it affects child development and growth. I feel allowing them to interact with close friends, safely is important. I would not recommend it during a peak COVID wave. But I feel it's important to remember that children need connection, bonding and activity time with children of their age. If not physically, arrange for virtual playdates.
Today, I feel our children have been bearing the brunt of this pandemic than anybody. They have been missing the real enjoyment of their most important phase of life. Let's try hard to make this phase of their life most memorable, remarkable, time-tested. As said, children are natural zen masters. Their world is brand new in every moment. Every child is gifted, they just unwrap their packages at different times. We being a parent, let's not allow their innocence, smiles and the purity of their hearts to fade away. Let it stay with them forever.