Blink and you'll miss it, the way our children stretch towards the sky, growing up in the blink of an eye, how amazing is that. And this defines the laws of time. As our kids grow up, they forget what you said,but they won't forget how you made them feel. It's a bittersweet moment when your child starts growing up. You are so proud of all their accomplishments, but you also can't help but feel a little sad that they are not children anymore. As a mother, success is seeing your children grow up to be respectful young individuals.
Summer was at its peak, we were relaxing at home on a weekend, while I was in our balcony reading a book, R (my 11-year-old,son) entered the house after his evening playtime. He looked dull and exhausted. By seeing him I understood something was wrong. But he seemed to be relaxed after getting fresh and had his evening milk. But somewhere my motherly instinct was saying, R was trying to tell me something but was confused how to express. I took him to his room and played his favourite song on Alexa and was chatting with him, asking him about his friends, what game he played etc. He was happy, and told me he made a goal while playing football, his most favourite game of late. Where the jersey is pouring in our house (ha-ha). He looked to be normal and happy; I told him to change and sit for his evening Sayam Sandhyavandanam. It is basically, a Hindu ritual performed during twilight, as the Sun is setting. After R turned 11, we performed his 'Upanayana', which is a sacred thread ceremony. A significant Hindu rite of passage, traditionally marking the commencement of formal education for a boy. This ceremony involves the investiture of the 'Yojnopavitam'(sacred thread) and initiation of Gayathri Mantra.And after Upanayana, a boy is expected to follow certain rituals and practices, including Sandhyavanadanam, which has to be done three times a day, at least for the first 40 days, regularly - Morning, Noon and Evening. which was nothing less than a Tapas, for a 11-year-old boy. Later due to early morning school hours, he does once a day in the evening.
So that evening, before R sat for his evening Sandyavandanam, while he was changing, I saw marks on his upper back, which looked as if somebody hit him. I rushed towards him and checked there were nail marks on his hands too. I was furious and asked him how it happened, I was panicking seeing his wounds. He took a long breath and explained to me, that while playing football one of his opponent's teammate attacked him after R hit twice a goal in the match. That friend of him became so much offended and started behaving aggressively seeing him winning, he couldn't take his loss. He directly attacked R and, while this happened R friends rushed to his rescue and tried to stop that boy who was not in his senses. And that boy was around the same age of R. I was even more shocked when R said that, he didn't raise his hands to hit him back or to protect himself. I just sat down. I was confused, with R words. He sat down next to me and said, Mumma he is a hyper aggressive boy. He needs help. If I would have hit him back, he would have lost his senses and hurt himself too. These words from R hit me hard. R narrated the whole story. That boy stood still when he saw R was not reacting, he calmed down and left towards his house with one of his cousins. I was so delighted by the presence of mind, of R at this age. This brought a big proud smile on my face. While we try to teach our children, they teach us what life is all about.
But, this behaviour of that boy should not continue, and we wanted to help him with his anger issues, so we decided to inform his family. Since we stay in the same society, I called his mother and explained the whole story. She was sorry for her child's behaviour and wanted to come and meet us and see R. Though we denied meeting them, thinking the child should not get offended, they insisted. So, we said OK. He came along with his father. The moment I opened the door; he was not ready to face me or R. I welcomed him with a smile. The boy's dad was very sorry, and told me his child has anger issues. I held the child and asked very politely, what happened and he had tears in his eyes and was feeling very depressed. He looked at R and me, and said sorry. His dad was very happy and thanked R for taking such a predicament situation under control and how it helped his son to calm down. I hugged that boy and told him not to feel sad, R will always be his friend. He was confused and happy to see our reaction. He was not in a condition to speak. I told his dad, to help his son with some breathing techniques, and meditation which will help the child in leading a peaceful life. Its almost 3 months now, since this incident took place. R still visits his house and all plays together. As if nothing happened. This helped the child to recover from that incident, and we can see great changes in him. And most importantly he is friendly with everyone now.
This incident somewhere taught me, beneath every child's behaviour there is a feeling and beneath each feeling there is a need, and when we meet that need rather than focusing on the behaviour, we begin to deal with the cause not the symptom. Because children are great imitators, so give them something great to imitate. You can't teach a child to behave better by making them feel worse. When children feel better, they behave better. When children perceive that they belong and that they are capable, they feel encouraged and behave in socially acceptable ways. And somewhere I felt this was lacking in R's friend, which was the cause for his aggressive behaviour. It is important to raise the kids with the strength to know what they stand for, yet the humility to listen, learn and grow. And if you want your children to improve, let them overhear the nice things you say about them to others.
This incident proved that, behind every child, who believes in themselves, is a parent who believed in them first. Since R is into spiritual practises, from doing Sandhyavandanam to chanting, doing pooja and meditating regularly, which has helped him to shift his perspectives to see beyond what looks real. These practices simply mean to get connected with your inner wisdom. It takes courage to think beyond the box, in such a disturbing situation and to stay calm and think beyond imagination is a second level of confidence, which was showcased by R. I used to always tell R, don't trust words, trust their actions first. But in this case, he went beyond action and handled the situation in the wiser way. I am proud and have a lot of gratitude for many things in life, but nothing beats me being a mother, of the most sensitive, deep thinker, creative, intelligent and empathetic kid. He walked into our lives, like he always belonged there. Each time, he keeps raising the bar higher and higher, and makes us feel proud. And this boy has my heart!
