The Unknown Pain

Amid pandemic as we all welcomed this New Year, with a lot of hopes and good beginnings. I too had lot of expectations for the year 2021. I was so weary with last year COVID-19 havoc and was just waiting for the good times to ring in soon. We all welcomed new year and celebrated my birthday with my family and close friends. Took blessings from my master - Gurudev. Celebrated the first festival of the year, Sankranti with full ease. Life was so far balanced. 

After all the celebrations, my routine was set with Rishaan's online school and other daily chores. On 3rd week of January, one of the weekend we visited my parents for our regular visit. I had noticed a pain in my left leg toe finger. This pain was on and off for quite some time now. I took it very normal. After a week or so the pain aggravated to such an extent my toe fingernail had swollen badly and I was in terrible pain. All this came as a surprise to me. My mom insisted to see a doctor at her place, in a nearby clinic. The doctor is a well known all India specialist in Skin and dermatology. Since the pain was unbearable I visited the doctor. At very first sight, he said its a nail bite infection and need to be treated immediately before it aggravates more.  

I was numb when the doctor said the procedure for this treatment will be a minor nail surgery where 30% of my toe fingernail will be removed. My first question to the doctor was, will the nail grow in that part where the nail is removed. Seeing my apprehensions doctor said very lightly its a very minor procedure, not to worry. And the day of surgery was fixed on a weekend, as it will be convenient for all at home. I started towards the hospital dropping Rishu at my mom's house. My sister and Nitin accompanied me. The procedure started as per the given time. With the help of anaesthesia, the doctor completed the surgery in 25 minutes. My sister was extremely anxious standing outside the OT, as nobody has ever seen me in that condition after Rishaan's birth. I being the healthiest kid in the family since my childhood. 

And yes I am out from OT smiling, with a bandage tied to my Toe finger. Hopping in one leg I smiled at Nitin and my sister. My sister was very much worried about the surgery. But I was in to a big relief thinking finally the episode of pain came to an end. The doctor told us to see him after 2 days for dressing and I was on antibiotics and pain killers. We reached mom's home. I stayed there since the hospital was near to mom's house, and the doctor suggested to be on bed rest for 4-5 days. Where I had no scope of doing any household chores. And thanks to online schooling which came as a blessing in disguise.  

Later on, the day of surgery evening when the effects of anaesthesia came to an end, then the real struggle started. I was in terrible pain, which I did not expect after the surgery. That whole evening till night despite taking painkillers the pain was not ready to leave me. Finally, when I understood I can't bear it anymore. We called the doctor late at night and he suggested to take another round of painkiller so that I can sleep peacefully. And yes I was on constant prayers remembering my master and the god I believe, Which helped me to have a peaceful sleep that night. 

Likewise the episode of meeting doctor and routine check to see the recovery state of my toe fingernail was on for almost 3 weeks. And my stay at mom's house extended to almost a month. After the surgery l was in bed for first 12 days, walking or rather hopping occasionally when needed. At my home I being super active from the time I get up in the morning until I go to bed, I went on mute that beginning of 1st one week. I was disturbed seeing myself lying on the bed. I felt depressed. I can't imagine myself just to sit or sleep and do nothing.

One day few thoughts raised in my mind which gave me ideas on how to utilize this golden time which came in disguise.  And yes this is what I wanted my little "me time".  At my house, it was not feasible with household priorities and day to day routine with my son, I get very little time to explore my hobbies. And I strongly believe we all have to take out a little time in doing what we love to do. It works wonders and keeps one's mind fresh and active. Once we are happy we spread positivity and keep others also happy. 

I being a vivid reader for quite some time now, and this hobby started during my Accenture days, from my best friend Mruanlini. She is one of the most positive person I have ever met. I learnt a lot from her.  And yes, love for art since my childhood days. Since then I carry books and my art set where ever I travel. They are my soul friends which I can't miss packing them. And now the love for art has been sheltered in Rishaan too. I feel he is a great artist of his age. Hence during this painful time, I wanted some positive vibes and blessings which will heal my wound soon, which was taking much of its time than expected. And also to keep my mind calm and compose. 

And here was this book, "The Unknown Edge" which was published a month ago, and it was available on Amazon. I had heard a lot about this book where one can see the unfathomable faith in the blessing of a guru and divine. And I wanted to own a copy but was pending since along. This was a time which the divine choose me to have it. I always believe in divine timing. when things have to turn out in our favour, one gets to have it. And it has worked in my matter many times. This was it, which I wanted right now. I immediately ordered on Amazon and got it the very next day. Though it was available on Kindle, I love books in the printed copy. Just love those freshly printed pages. 

I finished reading this book in 2 days. It used to be beside me or either in my hand the whole day. In 10 days I read it thrice. Every time I experienced something new in it. Many times while reading this book I had tears of gratitude. The book was a real-life experience of a woman with the guru's strongest blessings on her. The author "Rajita Kulkarni Bagga" comes under one of the 100 most successful women across globe. I was so inspired by the author and her life's journey from a banker and now being the President of the World Forum for Ethics in Business, based in Brussels, for almost 3 decades. Also President of Sri Sri University at Bhubaneshwar. Which is awarded as the world's first Tabaco and Drug-free university. Her thoughts on leadership and expertise in various fields are just amazing. She is a speaker, writer, coach, and one of the most senior Art Of Living teacher. Who travels across the world. Each story of the author shows how powerful blessings and faith works. And the most important part of it, one needs to have complete unshaken faith. A single doubt arises in mind that will delay the blessing.

I being extremely religious who never miss my morning and evening prayers, after reading this book my faith in divine and gurus blessings became rock solid. My mind was extremely calm, and the wound started healing rapidly.  Likewise, 3 weeks passed. And my wound was healed almost 80%. I was able to take small steps inside the home. At home all were happy with my recovery. Most importantly due to this pain, I the got the chance to stay at mom's house, which is a blessing for any married daughter. My son Rishaan thoroughly enjoyed his stay at his favourite Jija house. He calls my mother Jija. My number comes second after my mom to him. He is extremely attached to her. And yes I enjoyed sisterly talks and those midnight web series which I and my sister used to watch together. I was in a zone of total comfort, love, affection, care. With zero work to do. My sister was by my side whenever I was in pain. She was extremely cautious about my leg and used to warn people at home to be careful of it. Pure, subtle, innocent. This is how I describe her. 

In this one month, Rishaan was pampered with love from his grandparents and his favourite Yeshu maushi. I feel it's very important that kids childhood should grow around grandparents and parents both. I am very happy Rishaan got this opportunity. He used to participate in evening prayers and signing bhajan with my mom. Very particular in completing his school HW and other online classes which he never missed. I was very happy to see his rhythmic day to day routine going on smoothly, with little of my guidance. My mom being in a teaching profession for almost 2 decades, I and my sister had a very strict yet systematic lifestyle throughout our childhood. I have inculcated the same in Rishaan upbringing too. Following footsteps of my mother.

In this one month I wrote many Quotes, Shayari's, read books. I was totally in the positive zone. At the beginning of this entire episode, I asked God, why me? so much pain, suffering. By the end of the month, I thanked God, for giving me this pain, it might be gods plan to give me some break which was very much needed to stop before I take a high on. I remember my mother telling me over our regular calls, please rest - stop working, take care of your health. These are the words that she always tells. After seeing all this I felt mother's wish was fulfilled by the divine and yes I was in her lap of unconditional love.

February is the most important month of the year for all of us in my home. My son 7th birthday which I can't miss celebrating at any cost. It is nothing less than a festival for me. Rishaan was worried about my health and the recovery state. And this was the first time we were celebrating his birthday at my mom's house. As we stayed there until I am completely recovered. But the divine planned something different and special for him. Not once but celebrated his birthday thrice in one week. Met Gurudev in ashram and took blessings. Later on celebrated his birthday with family members and did a small cake cutting ceremony at mom's house. Since his birthday had fallen on a weekday we had kept birthday party on a weekend with a few close family and friends. But later on all insisted to drop the plan for the weekend celebration seeing my leg condition. But I wanted this for Rishu.  I tried my best to make Rishaan feel special on his big day. 

Likewise weekend party was a hit. Rishaan enjoyed to the core. We all were so happy seeing everything was falling in place on its own. I cooked food for almost 20 people at home. Hopping and walking around enjoying with family and friends. Didn't realize how I did, it was like some energy had kept me going strong. After all the celebrations, now came my last visit with the doctor. He examined and said my fingernail has almost healed completely. Now I need to be cautious until the nail grows, as there will be chances of getting infection.

Almost a month had passed at mom's house and now the time came to depart. With a heavy heart, I came back to my house. I thanked God for giving me this opportunity to be with my parents and Rishaan enjoying with his grandparents. As now I am back home, happy in my space to give my best and keep people happy around me. My journey with this unknown pain was exactly like :- "A journey of a caterpillar, when she thought her world is over before turning in to a beautiful butterfly".